There’s A Racist Mouse in My Cupboard

I’ve been a skeptic since I was a seven-year-old kid at a crazy Christian babysitter’s, whose son used to tell me that I’d fall into Hell if ever I told my guardian angels to go away. One night, sweating and petrified, I did just that. I commanded them to leave, in the still of a murky autumn night, and I never fell into Hell. That was it for me. So, years later, when my buddy Nathan kept telling me he had ghosts in his house, I investigated and found nothing but a mouse in his cupboard, evidenced by those little raisin-like turds and chewed-through food bags. And this is pretty much how I view those “It’s racist!” claims these days. Let me explain…

I remember saying, “Nathan, dude, it’s a mouse. Just a mouse!” to which Nathan responded, “Dude, it’s a ghost; I’m telling you.” Every time he heard the thump, I’d go and show him more evidence of a rodent invasion. Yet every time he heard the thump, he considered it evidence of the ghost.

My point: You can’t just insert what you want onto something unknown and expect it to be true. Do you know the median acceleration rate of near-Earth objects in our asteroid belt once trapped in the sun’s gravity, divided by their rate of decay? No? Me either. So, okay, let’s just say “Potato.” That’s good enough, right? It’s ridiculous.

How does this tie into racist claims?

Well, this is what I’m seeing all over society today. People just claiming ghosts and potatoes; the ghost of a potato! Every time there’s a thump, every time there’s something some crazy-ass leftist sees that they don’t like, they claim it’s a racist responsible. There’s racism at play!

Unlike the ghost, however, I will admit that there’s a historical precedent to cite racism every time a college student sees something that evokes racist imagery of the past. It is a fact that America had racist elements throughout its history, so I can forgive, to an extent, the busybodies who insist on blaming some unseen, ghostly racist force every damn time they feel like it.

But you know what? There’s also a very strong precedent for hoaxes. In fact, over the past decade or so, the overwhelming majority of incidents thought to be racist have turned out to be hoaxes, where POC or people on the left fabricate scenes in order to say that a racist has been spotted.

Not to mention that they have completely redefined the word to include more and more things as racism. Where a word or gesture used to be called racially insensitive, now it’s considered level-ten racism, the same as segregating blacks. (And we all know only blacks can segregate blacks.)

My first thought: This might be a good thing! Racism has become something quite rare in America, right? I mean, logically speaking, if you’re a whiny-ass SJW leftist who goes around crying about racism and white privilege, and the only way you can “prove” this to be the case is to fabricate it yourself, that means you can’t f*cking find it on your own! It means the racism you claim to be so pervasive, the white racist under every bed and in every closet, is just a figment of your imagination, like Nathan’s ghost. It’s really just a mouse in the cupboard – albeit a racist mouse. That’s a good thing.

Though upon further examination, it’s really not good at all. It’s incredibly harmful to our society. The reason is that every time there’s a racist hoax, mainstream media eat it up and suggest white people are more racist than ever; POC go into full-on riots in their towns and cities; and when the truth’s exposed, we receive no apologies or retractions. Instead, we get this social spin that basically says, “Sure, this was a hoax. But since America is shrouded in deep, ongoing racism, these incidents just shine a light on how much we need to change.” The same way that every female to falsely accuse someone of rape is still heralded as a hero by many for exposing America’s supposed rape culture.

It’s disgusting.

The incident which prompted this article from me was something I read on HuffPo yesterday, about a college in Washington D.C. that supposedly had bananas hanging from nooses. I’ll admit, I had to scratch my chin for a few seconds to understand how this could be seen as racism. My apologies; I didn’t grow up in a household where I was indoctrinated with the belief that all of society is against me, a racist ’round every corner, so I don’t have flash cards of racist imagery stored in my brain like I’ve been cramming for a quiz on it. I figured that the noose had to do with lynching, because SJW POC love to spin the narrative that black people were the only ones ever lynched; while I also reckoned that bananas were some “monkey” reference, because nothing says “I hate black people” like purchasing a bundle of under-ripe bananas from your local grocers.

If you really wanna drive people crazy, try plantains! They’re much larger and taste more like a starchy root vegetable than a sweet fruit.

Throughout another article whose link I followed from HuffPo, the writer claims that racist incidents have seen a heavy increase since 2016.

You know what else has also seen a stark increase? Racist hoaxes.

Though still and all, we seem to inhabit a world where listen-and-believe, guilty-until-proven-innocent is how we approach sh*t so long as some victim group is the target. Look, I’m not saying that noose bananas weren’t legitimately done by a racist or few who genuinely hate black people. But (a) how do we know either way? So how can we just assume one way or the other? And (b) doesn’t it behoove people to actually get to the bottom of these incidents? I’m saying, if they’re real, and you find the culprits, that’s at least one less racist around to do this sh*t. Whereas if it’s a hoax, you bring light to it being a fraud and you stop wasting time on fake racism to focus on real racism.

Is this too big an ask? Is it illogical or something?

If we can use America’s racist past to conclude a white racist at the root of an incident, why can’t we also use racist hoaxes, which are more recent and more prevalent, to conclude it’s a hoax? Or to at least withhold our judgment either way until we know!?

We operate from a standpoint of taking as gospel self-reporting from minority students. A minority’s “lived experiences” are to be treated as infallible. They don’t need to provide evidence in most cases. We don’t need a suspect in any case. No investigation or study of the incident(s). A POC reports having seen or experienced something, and we as members of society are under the implied obligation to believe every word they say.

What is the expiration date on that? Slavery was over more than a century ago. For Jim Crow, it’s been generations now. How long do people keep getting our benefit of the doubt simply because of the way they were born?

The students at Mizzou a few years ago proved that sometimes it’s just a racist mouse in the cupboard. Their damn student union president, of all people, was caught blatantly lying about the KKK being on campus and terrorizing black students! Their oppressed leader, Jonathan Butler, literally jumped in front of a moving car and tried to lie and say he was almost run over by a racist, which was caught on video! Still nobody in media pointed that out. Instead, we were just told that some white guy shouted “n*gger” at black kids, and somebody drew a poop swastika on the wall, therefore racism.

If you ask me, the lying about racism is worse than the “racism.” One’s a word shouted at people, which under its new definition qualifies as “racism.” The other is a blatant lie that not only puts people on edge and causes mass panic and hysteria, but that also pits all nonwhites against whites and paints white people as the enemy.

So, okay, shouting “n*gger” is racist; but lying about racism should be a f*cking hate crime!

Look what it incites!

Many—hell, most—of these incidents fall apart when looked into and we find that POC “victims” themselves are the ones behind them. And I’m not even assuming the noose bananas were that. I’m really not! I’m withholding judgment until we do find out.

Just imagine not jumping to conclusions being revolutionary.

Not only could many of these incidents be hoaxes, which would be par for the leftist course in this modern age, but most of them are incidents that organizations like the ADL are blowing out of proportion. They supposedly “cataloged” over 100 incidents in 2016 of white racist propaganda and imagery on college campuses, but going down the list, they name things like posters telling people not to have white guilt; a call for European identity pride; posters wanting to keep radical Muslims out of America; allowing Richard Spencer to speak at a campus; calls for defending white people; and on and on.

Basically, the ADL is objectively stating, without equivocation, that white people are not allowed to be proud of being white. If you wish to spread a message to other white people that they should not feel guilty for being white, you are a racist and you have been cataloged… likely in order to bolster the number of racist incidents so that an organization like the ADL can still claim relevancy.

I’m not making any of this up. Go check some of the links I provided. I’m hooking this up with all sorts of information on these hoaxes. They take a poster that says “White Guilt is a Weapon,” which is literally just telling white people not to feel guilty for being white people, and the ADL, and every other sissy-ass SJW outlet, claims this is white supremacy and racism.

Basically, if you’re white and not a groveling, sniveling cuck, you are a racist.

How dare you not feel bad for your skin color! Don’t you know it’s racism unless you feel bad for being a white person!? Don’t you know it’s a hate crime against blacks if you have pride in how you were born!?

These posters aren’t about recruiting Nazis, as the ADL would claim; rather they’re about reversing this trend in America of white people having to genuflect and apologize to every other race for how they were born.

In other words, these organizations know that it’s just a mouse in the cupboard, without exception, yet it’s far more advantageous for them to play ghost-hunters.

Probably is the case that some racist people are leaving these messages and symbols at times. Probably is the case that many people are just trolling because SJW tears over a piece of fruit are intensely satisfying for sh*tlords. Though objectively is the case that black people themselves have a thick catalog in recent memory of faking this stuff just to benefit from it.

Let’s not forget that black students at universities can get a lot more special treatment if they’re seen as victims. If you’re black and want special favors, someone in authority might say no. But when you claim to be oppressed, wearing chains, and the victim(s) of ongoing white discrimination, they throw special sh*t at you just to shut you up so you’ll release your hostages and allow the campus to be a campus again. 

Again, I’m not saying this is the case, but why aren’t we looking into something we know to happen very frequently?

When was the last person lynched in America? And when was the last racist hoax by a POC to frame whites? It’s rhetorical; we all know the answer.

Personally, if you were to ask me which is the bigger problem, I’d point to the completely out-of-proportion incidents of black people actually physically attacking and killing white people, at over twenty-five times the reverse. I’d say that’s a much larger problem than noose banana. I’d also say the hoaxes are way worse than actual incidents of racism!

Then again, after the world ends in a fiery storm of meteors, I expect a future alien civilization will visit wasteland Earth and find a huge plague that survived, reading: “World Ends, Black People Most Affected.”

To these people, a white baby in a stroller being shot for being a white baby isn’t an example of racism, even with the New Black Panthers out on the streets preaching about “Kill they kids, too!” It’s justifiable revenge. But noose banana? “Oh, child, don’t even get me started! Dat’s waycis!” Hell, media didn’t even mention the race of these racist monsters! They simply called them “teens.” 

But let an incident arise on a campus, with no suspects, and all we ever f*cking hear is “white people” this and “white people” that. We’re about 20:1 in favor of it being a black person responsible, but “white people” is all we’ll hear about it.

I’m just saying, in regards to these supposedly racist incidents: Hoaxes outweigh incidents of legit racism throughout the nation today, yet we labor under the presumption that every self-reporting POC is a tragic victim.

In some cases, maybe; in other cases, no. The point: Let’s not just shout about ghosts haunting your home!

Once we open up the cupboard and investigate, it almost always seems to be a mouse.

At least since the ’50s. Isn’t “current year” a liberal rally cry?

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About the Author

Brian Hendrix
Brian is a regular contributor to Halsey News. He has more than 20 years experience in Media and Publishing. He can be reached at or on Twitter @kekkitchen