Halloween Belongs to White People

Do you want proof that the first-world west is the greatest society to ever exist on this planet? Just look at how many “problems” people manage to find at Halloween. And of these problems, we’re not at all talking about violence or rape or any sort of criminality; rather, we’re talking about children dressing up as someone else, and how grown-ass adult babies line up around the block to wag their finger and call people racists and bigots and cultural appropriators.

Every SJW POC in the western world froths and foams at the mouth around this time of year, declaring that white people are not allowed to dress in anything save POC-approved costumes, lest they’re racist cultural appropriators or problematic for promoting some sort of racism… that only white people are able to promote.

I’m not even researching this part; I’m just going off the top of my head. Here are some of the things a white kid isn’t allowed to dress as, and the reason(s) why:

  • A Sombrero-wearing Mexican (Pancho Villa): Because it promotes a stereotype that all Mexicans wear big sombreros, and that’s supposedly offensive to Mexicans.

  • A Sultan: Because, apparently, all people from the Middle East wear sultan gear, and a white person is not allowed to dress as a specific sultan lest they’re making fun of a “race.”

  • Any black person: Because, for obvious reasons, you can’t blackface. Oddly, wearing a LeBron James jersey counts as blackface.

  • A Native American: Because wearing the head dresses and suchlike of a Native American is somehow offensive when white people do it, so don’t do it.

  • A Pirate: Because it promotes rape culture! Pirates and their “booty” – get it! Or the raping and pillaging. Sh*t if I know.

  • A Japanese geisha: Because it appropriates Japanese culture and, apparently, all Japanese women are seen as geishas by SJWs who project their own racism onto white people.

  • Moana: Because, apparently, dressing as one particular girl from a Polynesian culture means you’re dressing as every single Polynesian person to ever draw breath. More obvious projection from SJWs, but don’t do it!

  • Elsa (or any princess or good-looking white person): Because it promotes a standard of “white beauty” and white people, in a country their ancestors created, celebrating a holiday their ancestors created, are not allowed to look “beautiful” because it’s racism.

  • The list keeps on going and I’m tired of writing about it. Suffice to say that whiny-ass SJWs find a problem with every f*cking Halloween costume you’re going to wear. Fact!

So, here’s my lengthy proposal on how to solve this:

Unless you’re white, you’re not allowed to celebrate Halloween!

No, it’s not some white guy trying to ban nonwhites by creating a whites-only space. It’s someone using the SJW’s own logic against them. Cultural appropriation is defined basically as adopting elements of a culture, by members of another culture, without paying the respects to the original culture. In other words, a “culture” is seen as an entity which holds property rights on things born of that culture. So to use it, especially without credit, and particularly in such a flippant way as a Halloween costume, is cruel and inflicts damage upon the culture that owns the stolen item: Trend, language, music, etc.

So let’s use this exact standard, to the letter of the SJW law, and bar all nonwhites from celebrating Halloween! Halloween is a Celtic tradition which, over the years, has been molded by other white cultures into the dress-up, candy-giving event we celebrate in America every October 31. It was born of white culture, and thus is a piece of property owned by white people. So if white kids can’t dress as sultans or Pancho Villa or even another little white girl, then you’re not allowed to even celebrate the holiday!

See: By white people, for white people.

Yes, we had our whites-only meeting, in which every white person attended, and after we were through discussing how to hide our white privilege checks from the taxman, we had a vote and the results were unanimous: All nonwhites are henceforth banned from celebrating Halloween!

Just imagine if someone actually had the gall to say this in public. And just imagine if a bunch of white people went around complaining every year that black and Latin and Native and Asian kids weren’t allowed to celebrate Halloween. The streets would be overrun with people protesting and burning sh*t down and claiming oppression.

But why?

I mean, we’re just obeying SJW canon here. We’re just doing what you tell us we should do.

It’s “progressive” in these modern times to separate every single group based on topical factors of happenstance like skin color, where their ancestors were born, etc. So while the crybabies are busy saying that your white kids aren’t allowed to dress in any costume of which they don’t approve, we should be busy saying that their nonwhite kids aren’t allowed to dress up at all! Sorry, mamas, but your black babies aren’t allowed to get any candy! You better tell that little Asian to put that bag down, now! WTF do you think you’re doing? Halloween is our culture! How dare you participate!

And it doesn’t stop there. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, Independence Day – these are all also off the table unless you’re white.

Don’t f*ck with me, you lunatics! If you want to say that no one is allowed to use elements of another culture, even for the purposes of playing pretend on Halloween, then we should honor these standards by disallowing all of you sissy cuckolds from every single holiday born of white culture. And your kids. You’re teaching your kids that it’s okay to appropriate, while teaching ours that it’s not okay.

That’s not okay! 

If you can’t tell, this is obviously tongue-in-cheek; I would never tell a child—a little kid!—that he or she can’t go around and get candy with the rest of the kids, nor would I impose upon that child some bullsh*t about what he or she can and cannot wear. I’m not a totalitarian. But SJWs are.

These are selfish, narcissistic totalitarians who aren’t happy unless they’re controlling every little aspect of your life.

The most ironic thing here about culturally appropriating a Halloween costume is that these are the same SJWs who claim white people don’t have any culture at all, and that they need to steal other people’s culture to celebrate Halloween. All the while, the entire holiday itself was created by white people, for white people.

Just a word of advice for all of you SJWs who can’t stop projecting onto everyone else that you see Moana and believe that this is how all Polynesian people dress and act: The next time you open your big mouth and curse at little children for dressing in a manner that offends you, ask yourself whence comes Halloween to begin with. I know that won’t change your mind. It won’t make you any less of an asshole. But at least you’ll realize that white people have plenty of culture all their own and don’t need to “steal” it away from others’ cultures.

The whole idea is inherently ridiculous, and just goes to show how comfortable we are in our first-world western lifestyles. Throughout most of the world, kids won’t eat as many calories in a month as our little buggers will eat in one night from their candy haul. Yet these professional perpetual victims are never happy unless they’re not, so they’re going to gripe and moan and create problems where none exist. They’re going to point to people dressing up as Pancho Villa, and in their pure ignorance, stereotype every Mexican the same way and project their own bigotry onto innocent people with cries and pleas of “appropriation!”

You can’t fix stupid, but you sure as sh*t can find it everywhere.

I hope every kid out there has a happy and safe Halloween, and I hope every kid dressing in an “inappropriate” costume gets a lot more candy than those other kids!

And, parents, if you run into any SJWs out there who bitch and moan, remind them that this is a white holiday, and that they need to give you thanks for their celebration of it anyway, or else they’re racists.

These people complain just to complain. Like Townes Van Zandt famously wrote: “Maybe she just has to sing for the sake of the song.” That’s all they’re doing here, singing for the sake of the song. There’s nothing wrong with kids wearing Halloween costumes; it’s just that these professional victims cannot abide something being right and people being happy. You’re not allowed to have a good time without moral busybodies chastising you for it and reminding you of your inherent sin! These are the new troop of ultra-religious ideological puritans.

One of the arguments I hear from the SJW whiners it that parents should raise race-conscious children who are aware that they can’t just steal another person’s culture, even if only for celebratory purposes whereby that culture is being uplifted and appreciated. It’s still wrong, and kids shouldn’t be raised this way.

(Irony alert: Every nonwhite parent who celebrates Halloween is doing exactly this!)

Okay. I won’t teach my kids that, but I will teach them that idiots like you should never be respected, in any walk of life, and if at all possible, they should point and laugh at you, while forcing you to abide those same made-up-on-the-spot, crybaby, nonsensical life standards. E.g.: You can’t even celebrate a white holiday unless you’re white! And while you’re at it, don’t forget to write me a thank you note for your automobile, house, Internet, and the first-world nation in which you live! Don’t just steal my culture, bitches.

Halloween is an invention of white culture.

Who do you think you are to simply appropriate it and try to control it?! What are you? A racist?!

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About the Author

Brian Hendrix
Brian is a regular contributor to Halsey News. He has more than 20 years experience in Media and Publishing. He can be reached at brian@halseynews.com or on Twitter @kekkitchen