Canada is Officially 150 Years Old, but Where’s the Free Beer?

I Rarely Talk About Canada, But We Need Your Help

From upstart Dominion—where navigating rapids and frequent portages were basic skills—to brash G-7 member in the blink of a historical-eye, Canada is quite the place. (Please, America, indulge me this is one time.)

I can guess what you’re thinking right now, darn it all, I here you say (hand slap to forehead optional), why didn’t I make a plan for the sesquicentennial. Indeed, the gravity of the occasion, due your oversight, is now at risk of tumbling away, lost forever.

Buck-up Canucks, don’t be sullen.

Your lack of foresight does not mean all is lost, not by a longshot, not in 2017. Never fear good people, for as you have come to know in this pseudo-aware world, any half-way marketable quasi-historical occurrence can’t be allowed to sort itself out, at ground-level, amongst regular folk.

Nope. For that you need government.

Canada has loads of that! And so it isn’t a shock to learn the party started without me. The Government so helpfully reminds me, “Since the beginning of the year, Canada 150 activities have been in full swing across Canada.” Terrific, what have I missed? Oh, a snow festival in Quebec? It’ll snow there next year.

Apparently, the Government web informs me, the celebration is, “filled with activities designed to focus on youth; celebrate our diversity and encourage inclusion…” To which I say, Fan-freaking-tastic, but you got any juicy brats grilling on the barbeque, where’s that ice-chest of tooth-crackin-cold Kokanee?”

Get some perspective, eh.

Is it too much to ask—has we near the middle point of Sunny Ways, the staggeringly deep pit of fresh federal debt ignored by rank and file members of the Media-party, as the whole country lurches helplessly toward the inevitable Prime Ministerial selfie-fest that Canada Day will surely become—for a free beer?

For Canadians (and pretty much nobody else) keeping score at home, the country has not yet entered the, let’s say, postprandial segment of the Trudeaupian feelzie-age and you’d best not get too comfy in that deck chair. And sip your beers slowly eh, in the full knowledge that your glorious leader in the recent federal budget rigged liquor taxes to rise perpetually each year at the rate of inflation. Cheers.

Let’s face it, this whole Canada150 thing is just an excuse for government to litter favored groups with tax money so said favored groups can tell us just how wonderful our Dear Government is. Government Party planners have set-up the whole intra-coastal, interprovincial, intersectional, multi-cultural family-friendly bacchanalian-ish festivities and spared no taxpayer expense along the way.

duck

Never mind that the Harper Conservatives salted the new Canada 150 Fund with a cool $150M prior to the 2015 federal election, the Trudeau Liberals managed to back up the Dodge Ram 4×4 and dump an additional $350M in the party hopper. What’s half a billion when all Canada’s pressing financial and cultural problems have been so effortlessly swept away by Trudeau-the-Younger?

Are you getting the feelz?

And nothing says its party-time Canuck-style like the two most prosaic of Canadian symbols (no not a moose or a goose) the ginormous yellow duck and a super-big red ball right? Hey, go big or stay on the porch, right! This touring pair of goofy feelzie (oops, there’s that word again sorry) symbols of Canada’s place in the world just set us back about $150K, which in the wider scheme amounts to a simple rounding error.

But, and consider this if you will: someone or some huddled community-league thought renting an outsized rubber duck was a nifty idea. Worse yet, someone with access to piles of federal cash had to agree, that, yes this is the symbol that Jane from Fort McMurray would see and know she is one-with-Canada. All together now, “OM.”

Never mind that a year or so ago you weren’t in a tizzy as to what to do this extra special Canada Day, every possible level of government and bureaucracy looked after the details for you.

ball

Don’t worry about the boo-birds.

Who cares if the Pentagon has concerns over Trudeau selling our high-tech gadgets to Communist China? Opening our borders to mass-immigration, and saying Canada is the first post-nation state are cutting edge hipsterisms. Some people only want to harsh your tolerance-buzz.

With every threat to our peaceful, soft-socialist lifestyle having been swiftly extinguished by the efficiency minions of the Trudeau Government and Mr.(let’s grow the economy from the heart out) Socks his very self, this Canada Day go out and have a (giant) ball, and thank your government for the big duck.

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About the Author

Rob McLean

Rob McLean is a regular contributor to Halsey News commenting on Canadian and Global politics. He can be reached at rob@halseynews.com or on Twitter at @DailyRasp.