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It’s been a little over 10 years now since I’ve come out as a lesbian and it’s time to address some concerns that I, and many others that have been grouped into the LGBT community, have wanted to say for a while. I’ve always been who I am regardless of receiving backlash from people because I refuse to live a lie. From awkward conversations, all the way to the possibility of being killed for who I am or what I believe still seems to be a good trade off for me. It’s probably obvious that I’m comfortable with being a lesbian to the people who meet me but I can’t vouch for the rest of this growing community.
It’s important to note that I’m not trying to attack individuals who feel like they belong to this group and I’m not doing this to disrupt any peace. If you’re an adult with a reasonably sound mind, I would assume you understand we can live life as individuals while still being decent human beings. I also won’t be surprised when the hate mail starts rolling in because I’m well aware most of the reactions and misinterpretations that come along with declaring something like this.
While it may seem like an explosion of letters have been added onto LGBT all at once, it’s been there for years and despite what people who support it within the community and some right-leaning, Christian, or Conservatives would have you believe for the sake whatever narrative they’re trying to push, it has never been completely accepted to automatically designate us to this group. The reason you mostly hear the term LGBT instead of LGBTQQI is because there is always backlash and there will always BE backlash until we take a hard stance to be removed from this mess. Ultimately, I can only speak for myself but I’d at least like to extend a hand (;P) to lesbians who feel the same way. I know LGBTExit sounds cheesy but I’m being completely serious. I’m well aware that there are people who feel the same way within this ’community’ who aren’t lesbians and I urge you to start talking about this as well.
Just to give everyone a clear idea of why I will not be associated with this community and why so many others are against it as well, here are the extended versions. By the way, these aren’t even all of them.
- LGBTTQQIAAP (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, queer, questioning, intersex, asexual, ally, pansexual)
- LGBTTQQFAGPBDSM for “lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, queer, questioning, flexual, asexual, gender-fuck, polyamorous, bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, and sadism/masochism”
I really find it repulsive that I’m considered to be part of all of this. In no way do I have anything to do with the rest of these acronyms. I look like a Conservative compared to these people. Let’s say you are a lesbian into BDSM. It still has nothing to do with being a lesbian so there is no reason we should be tethered to it (That was the last pun, I promise). On top of all of this, some people still get mad that this isn’t ‘inclusive’ enough. But why do we need to be lumped in together? Why on earth would I want to be connected to sexual fetishes? We have everything to lose and nothing to gain by associating ourselves with these lifestyles. I’ve also seen articles in the ‘progressive’ side of the internet where they’re trying to add Pedophile, or as they refer to it, Pedosexual. I don’t believe they’ll add another letter because they’ve been trying out a few more ‘inclusive’ terms lately and it makes sense because who in their right minds would agree with this. It serves them better to find a way to discreetly hide it.
These terms include:
- MSGI, coined in 2000 (minority sexual and gender identities)
- GSM (gender and sexual/sexuality minorities)
- GSRM (gender, sexual, and romantic minorities)
- GSD (Gender and Sexual Diversities)
- MOGII (Marginalized Orientations, Gender Identities, and Intersex)
- MOGAI (Marginalized Orientations, Gender Alignments, and Intersex)
I can’t, for the life of me, see why human rights organizations, or whoever is in charge of keeping us locked into this group of people who have nothing in common, would think there would be any cohesiveness within all of these groups or provide any benefit. If anything, it gives more fuel to the fire for people who have always tried to push the idea that we are vile, sinful, and need to be punished. I can think of two religions right off the top of my head who are vocal about this. One of those religions still stones people and the other brags about not stoning people anymore. Either way, we know they still believe there is a ‘gay agenda’ and that means trying to stop us from being considered regular people at all cost. I personally believe that these human rights organizations have their own agenda and it has nothing to do with gay people. That becomes pretty clear when one of us doesn’t fit their mold, especially politically. We get cast out quickly without a second thought. So Christians, it’s time to open your eyes. This community has used us as a shield to usher the rest of this in. It could be Marxism, Communism, Pedophilia, Globalization, or something else but women have been having relationships with each other women for a very long time without any problems.
Another, less dark, reason to separate is that there are issues only we can take care of because we have actually lived them. This whole intersectionality movement where everyone jumps on each other’s bandwagon only does more harm than good and I know a few other groups who would agree with me. Lesbians have really gotten the shit end of the deal in all of this. Not only have we been completely sexualized by the porn industry (They’re straight women, by the way), we’ve also been constantly told that women’s sexuality is ‘fluid’, meaning we aren’t really lesbians. This idea is mostly shared with us through this very community. Not only that, but some people in the Trans and Genderqueer movement suggest that males who transition using hormone therapy and plastic surgery that feel like women are just as female as us and that gender is a social construct. So our womanhood means nothing. They have gone as far as to say that we’re discriminating against Trans or Genderqueer people if we don’t want to have sex or a relationship with them.
We’re also closely connected to homosexual men. Even from an outsider’s perspective, the differences are obvious. The connection between us would seem to make sense more than the rest but it would be best that we part ways, too. When people talk about the ‘gay lifestyle’ and aren’t referring to it as being a choice, they’re talking about the way a majority of gay people choose to live their lives. Men are commonly promiscuous (proven by the app, Grindr) and lesbians are commonly known for wanting to settle down (Hence, the U-haul joke). So basically, it’s how you would think it is when two people of the same sex get together. I’ve been locked into the other way of thinking for so long that I’ve always defended gay men in the same way I’ve defended myself. But I can’t vouch for them, the same way they can’t vouch for me. Although I can’t provide much help to your issues, it doesn’t mean I don’t care. But to be honest, we haven’t been doing these things for each other anyway and I know so many gay men who feel the same way I do about where this alphabet soup of debauchery is going.
The main thing that separates us is that we’re women and they’re men. That alone is a huge dividing factor in the way we live our lives and being romantically involved with the same sex drives us even further apart which almost makes the fact that we’re grouped together, comical. Just because I was interested, I decided to take a further look into what the Christian bible says in reference to lesbians. I’m not claiming to be an expert in translating the bible but some may find this interesting. By separating myself from the ‘pack’, I’ve realized that every scripture I’ve found referring to homosexuality is specifically referring to men. I know ‘man’ is used in place for ‘mankind’ sometimes but not in reference to homosexuality.
I’ve only found one reference that supposedly mentions women but I believe it’s more than a stretch when you look at the context.
“Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged the natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. Also the men abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error.” Romans 1:26-27
In the text, women are mentioned in a sentence before a very specific definition of gay men. People take the latter very specifically, so why start being metaphorical in the sentence right before? For one thing, people seemed to have many ‘unnatural’ sexual stuff going on back then. Prostitution, bestiality, incest, orgies, and I’m sure the list goes on. For women it says, ‘Exchanged the natural sexual relations’ and for men, ‘Abandoned natural relations.’ Am I being petty? Because if the word ‘also’ is the deciding factor in one single verse that may refer to lesbians, I’ll make it a goal to find someone who is an expert in Hebrew to break this down for me. There’s also some speculation about the Ruth and Naomi situation but maybe I’ll study that more. Even as a person who isn’t really religious, this kind of feels like something that would be important to someone who is.
While looking over everything I’ve just written, I’d say I’ve unintentionally offended nearly every person in the world. But this argument, while well covered up by the LGBT, has been made consistently throughout the course of this community’s reign in forcing us to stay together. We’ve been ignored, blatantly disrespected, and aggressively told to accept everything they throw at us and I’m taking a stand along with anyone who would like to join me in ending this once and for all. The only reason we needed a community in the first place was for supporting each other and the last thing I want for a young lesbian that desperately needs to talk about issues only we face, is to sit down in a room with no one like her while being convinced that she has to take on their problems as well. I have my issues within the lesbian community because as a feminine woman who likes feminine women, we don’t quite mesh well and my political views have veered away from the usual “progressive” route. But ultimately, I believe we should define ourselves as individuals and not get caught up in ‘subculture’ thinking so we can accomplish something.
A year ago, a man who had a sex change and considered himself Trans for years until regretting it named Walt Heyner, shared a petition on change.org called “Drop The T”. It was closed before reaching the goal but the reason he started the petition was to urge organizations “to stop representing the transgender community as we feel their ideology is not only completely different from that promoted by the LGB community (LGB is about sexual orientation, trans is about gender identity), but is ultimately regressive and actually hostile to the goals of women and gay men.” While I’m wanting to do something a little different, this petition is very noteworthy because of the responses that came after. He also wrote a column on The Federalist’s website to explain it further. Yes, it’s a right-leaning political site because they’re the only one’s willing to post anything like this.
Here are some responses:
“One clear aim of this petition is to suppress news about transgender people, to which the reply of any reputable journalistic publication is an obvious, “No.” But advocacy organizations are also being petitioned, so it’s apparent that the other aim here is to denigrate transgender people, to divide our populations, and to marginalize those whose civil rights and physical safety are very much imperiled. With that other aim in mind, the reply of any group of compassionate people who can see beyond their own needs, beyond the tips of their own noses, should be equally evident: “No.”” -Matthew Breen, editor in chief, The Advocate
“It is unfortunate that we even need to respond to this divisive petition because we did not wish to draw more attention to it, but let us be clear: We reject the call to divide our movement and the wrong-headed reasons offered by those supporting this petition. We are fighting together for an end to discrimination and violence based on sexual orientation as well as gender identity and expression because these are all forms of prejudice and abuses of power that are rooted in hatred, fear and a lack of understanding of those who are perceived as not conforming to gender stereotypes. Transgender people helped lead the way for our movement’s liberation at Stonewall and even before then. We are one movement commonly seeking the liberty to be our true and full selves, to be free from acts of bias and to live our lives with dignity. When times get tough – as they have in the recent political loss in Houston, and in the many tragic instances of murder and suicide across the country – we must strengthen our community and our movement for justice, not divide it. Lambda Legal will never stop fighting for all LGBT people and people living with HIV. We will win together.” – Lambda Legal
“This is unequivocally wrong. The hate that killed Matthew Shepard killed Zella Ziona. The bullies at school aren’t just harassing the gay kids, they’re harassing the transgender kids. The parents who could provide loving homes for the 400,000 children in foster care aren’t only lesbian parents, or gay parents, they’re bisexual parents and transgender parents. This idea that we are somehow separate and apart is patently untrue. We are one movement, stronger in our unity. We are one community, period. And the Human Rights Campaign will not be done working until equality reaches every single one of us.” – Human Rights Campaign President Chad Griffin
“GLAAD stands firmly with the transgender community and unequivocally rejects the outrageous and destructive idea that the ‘T’ be removed from LGBT. For decades, transgender people have worked alongside lesbian, gay, and bisexual people to advance equality for everyone, often leading the way in the movement for full equality and acceptance. Many trans people are also lesbian, gay, and bisexual — they are an inextricable and invaluable part of the LGB community. At a time when anti-LGBT activists continue to attack the basic rights and protections essential to all of our lives, we must stand together, rather than succumb to the ruin of divisiveness.” – GLAAD CEO & President Sarah Kate Ellis
These responses are anything but comforting and flipping it around to make it seem like this is an idea focused on rejecting and hating people really glosses over some genuine issues that should have been addressed without getting aggressive. Just so we’re clear, neither you or I owe anyone, anything. You wouldn’t stay in a relationship out of guilt and shouldn’t be coerced into agreeing with being associated with this, either. My response to them is that we don’t need you and when we create groups specifically addressing lesbians, I would hope you wouldn’t do anything to sabotage us just for your monetary and social gain. After reading these, I start to think they would go to great lengths to shut me down, personally. Anyway, there are more examples of this within what’s called the “lesbian separatist” movement in which lesbians were often called radical feminists by people in the LGBT for rejecting the notion that we should be grouped together by intersectionality. Who would have thought?
A notable lesbian activist/journalist named Julie Bindel has been very vocal about it. In a Guardian article called “It’s Not Me, It’s You” in 2008 she said, “It is all a bit of an unholy alliance. We have been put in a room together and told to play nicely. But I for one do not wish to be lumped in with an ever-increasing list of folk defined by “odd” sexual habits or characteristics. Shall we just start with A and work our way through the alphabet? A, androgynous, b, bisexual, c, cat-fancying d, devil worshipping. Where will it ever end?” I also agree with her when it comes to gay marriage. I don’t believe in federal government being involved with marriage at all. Just so I get rid of the argument that “because I have my rights, I’ve stopped caring”.
There’s plenty of other examples so everyone knows they aren’t alone in this and here are a few:
- This Wikipedia page about the LGBT contains all of the initialism cited above and links.
- I found this Wikia page called, ‘Lesbian Separatism’. It seems to touch on a type of feminism that isn’t like the ‘intersectional feminism’ I’m used to complaining about. I may not agree with everything on there because it is a forum but the idea that they could hold the same view on this is something worth looking into more.
I’m looking forward to getting everyone’s feedback and seeing what we can do to get this information out there to find out ways to start addressing issues that relate to us as lesbians. This has been a long time coming and I didn’t realize how many of you throughout history had rejected this only to be ignored. That makes me both hopeful and saddened. But now that the far-left side of politics and social justice are starting to show their true colors in a way many haven’t seen before, I believe more people are waking up to this as well. With everything I’ve said, I do want to mention that it isn’t the help that’s provided to the community that I want to stop, it’s the fact that we shouldn’t need these organizations to provide it for us because the more power you give someone, the more power they have to take it away. To take what we are and declare that they’re who we need instead of ourselves, then demand we follow suit without even a roadmap is a dangerous path to follow.